I love this post by Bronwyn – as it comforts me that I’m not alone in my resistance and inspiration. Suzy x

19/03/10 Bronwyn writes:

I don’t think I’d be by myself saying that I felt some resistance towards the process this week.  At the beginning of the week I didn’t even want to write my morning pages, let alone anything else.  I persevered with the morning pages and then FORCED myself to start writing out some 500 word blocks on my ever growing list of topics.

I decided that the quality didn’t matter; I just needed to get it down on paper.  That sounded good in theory, but when I read back what I’d written, the quality did matter.  I’d been repeating to myself, Universe, I’ll take care of the quantity and you take care of the quality.  Well HELLO!  I was there, I’d shown up and the Universe seemed to be on a coffee break!

I was all action stations at the laptop, fingers poised, ready to carve out a fictional masterpiece that would have readers enthralled and clamouring for more.

Instead, I got something a bit like this ‘one day I went to the shops for a bottle of milk and then at the shops I thought I’d buy a paper and then I went to the other shop and bought an apple.’  Mmm, riveting stuff.  I’d have them lining up outside WH Smith to buy that novel wouldn’t I?  It was a wonder I even knew how to speak English, as I certainly didn’t seem to be able to write it.

I was pissed off.  I was angry.  Why did I suck so badly?  I felt like I’d never get there, so I turned to my journal and had a bit of a moan.  Ellesters chipped in with some great advice, seriously, this whole community thing has a lot going for it as we keep each other company, share the same experiences and bolster each other’s courage to move ahead in this exciting creative journey.  Her advice was to get it all down and come back later to give it polish and make it come to life.

I’d read the same piece of advice from the book ‘Writing Down the Bones’ a few months ago.  I was only reading the book then, I wasn’t writing at the same time. This time I’m actually writing (because I’m a writer and that’s what I do) and the words struck a chord, enabling me to write 500 words every day since.  It also got me thinking about remembering to be kind to my new emerging writer.

Then during the week something quite magical happened.  I developed a passion for writing and I’d be in any situation and thinking about how I’d write it down.  Everyone I saw or knew could play a character in my novel.  I’d be reading and examining how it was written and planning how I could write something similar.  Then towards the end of the week my morning pages took on a life of their own, literally.  I was writing questions and they were being answered, and I swear it wasn’t me writing the answers. This creative malarkey is pretty powerful, or I’m slowly losing what semblance of mental acuity that I have left.

So I read the chapter on crazymaking this week and didn’t really think it applied to me anymore.  I’d read up about crazymaking extensively a couple of years ago, as I was extracting myself from a volatile relationship.  I haven’t heard from him in two years.  But what do you know, the week I’m reading about crazymaking he pops up like an unwelcome boil.  Reading through the chapter again was a gentle reminder from the universe that I did make the right decision and after the legal steps fall into place over the next six weeks I don’t have to hear from him ever again. Life is so good and freedom is so sweet.

I did my life pie and I definitely need to work on a few sectors to get a more balanced looking picture.  One of the segments that could use some attention is exercise, which currently only consists of me walking to and from the tube.  So I’ve decided that my artist’s date for the week is going to be a yoga class.

Have fun over the next week everyone, I hope you can spring clean any crazymaking people out of your world, or at the very least make sure they don’t hinder your creative journey.

Namaste

(I’m already practising for yoga)

xx Little Miss Writer xx