I’ve had a wobbly week 3 so Gina Langton’s guest post made me sob, because I resonated with it so much. Thank you for your wisdom and courage, Gina. Suzy x

Gina says:

“Well, how did week 3 go for you?  Have you started to feel part of a magical process yet?  Are some of you already trusting the process and allowing yourself to jump into free-fall, realising that all you have to do is open your lofty hearts up to see what you really need to see, and take the action that you really need to take?   Or do you still feel at the behest of your emotions, as if on a rollercoaster – upside down one second, screaming the next, rolling up, around and down, knowing there is another nine weeks of this, and wondering if things are ever going to improve?

In reading the part where Julia Cameron writes about taking responsibility for our prayers – that really struck me, to the very core, and made me reflect deeply all week.  How much responsibility for my life am I taking? What does taking responsibility mean?   I think it’s my attitude that I need to challenge.

The more I’ve reflected, the more I’ve been able to see that I need to pull down the scaffolding around my heart – the hurt, the grief, resentment, lack of trust, blame, and shame, and prise away those heavy poles that I have become so attached to.  Surely, I won’t fall into a state of collapse, even though they have been holding up my life and decisions have been made for so many years.  Will I?

Rather than suffer and strategise and think too much, I have decided the best way to navigate through is to bravely keep applying myself to the tools and the tasks set by JC, so the magic of the Artist’s Way can do its work.  It’s got a proven record after all, and in my experience I fare better when I follow instructions properly.  And I am serious and eager for change. The resistance is fierce, though. Unconsciously, I must be quite frightened of going beneath the surface – of looking in more deeply. On the surface, I am full of bravado – happy to punch the air – everything is fine.

So what then, are the conclusions that I draw from doing Week 3? It’s that pushing open those groaning doors to my creativity are making me go into a catatonic state one minute, angry and wanting to self-protect the next.  But, with the armoury of daily journaling, doing weekly exercises and morning pages, I am telling myself these are good signs. I am resolute, and optimistic; at the same time I am not giving myself false hope.  I am choosing to believe that my life is experiencing a kind of long tail effect from every new action I am taking, and that will bring about a renewed passion and desire to do open up more with confidence, courage and self-belief.

They say the heart is a skilled painter.  It is the heart I have to nurture, the heart that has to emerge unfettered by the scaffolding of poles of the past and I have to accept that what holds me back is none other than mere illusion – stuff that made my heart grow at the time, but are no longer of any use.

Have a great Week 4 everyone!”

Gina Langton

27^th March 2010