Archive for April, 2010
I love this week’s guest blog from Sue Thomason. She says:
“When I answered Suzy’s request for guest bloggers I didn’t know that the action of writing this would be so relevant to Week 7 itself. I promised to have the copy in by Friday and read through Week 7 and then I sat down to write this blog post. Eight terrible drafts later, I went back to the Artist’s Way. I laughed and laughed as I read the sections on perfectionism and risk.
I was writing about not allowing perfectionism to take over your life and I was trying to do it perfectly!
My creativity was stifled by the need for total control over the outcome – the perfect outcome. Perfectionism is just a fear of failure, of looking bad. I know what happens when your writing is motivated by what people think instead what’s coming from inside you. You can see it when you look at any creative effort. When you see films, for example, that are obviously created solely to make money, such as some big budget blockbusters that are all action and no plot, lots of exploding cars and weak dialogue where every character sounds the same, and compare them with beautifully executed films full of passion and story that light up the screen and pull on you in a way that makes you think about them for days and you know that they have come from somewhere deep in someone’s heart and mind. It’s the same for writing, you can tell when someone is dipping into that rich well of inner ideas that Julia describes and when someone is self consciously thinking about how others will see what they’ve written. Same for painting, drawing, making music or any kind of art.
And most brilliant art isn’t perfect anyway (except maybe for The Great Gatsby). It’s flawed and it’s the flaws that make it brilliant. They aren’t really flaws at all but as much a part of the personality of the artist as the bits that do turn out to be perfect.
Perfectionism is a lie. It promises you a diamond, unflawed and glittering and all the adoration and approval you could ever ask for. But what you really get is procrastination, fear, stifling self consciousness and inaction.
And that’s exactly what I got when I started writing this, my first ever guest blog post. And that’s also what I’ve had from the past five years of working on the same single book that I still haven’t finished because it’s just not perfect enough and I can’t get past chapter six without going back to the beginning again and changing something.
I’ve learnt a big lesson this week. Quite a practical lesson too. So to get this blog post written, I abandoned the first batch of ‘imperfect’ drafts and started again. One draft, a stream of consciousness with no going back and no editing and, most importantly, no thinking: ‘What will they think of me?’
I asked myself Julia’s question: ‘What would I do if I didn’t have to do it perfectly?’
And this is it. Now I’m going to take this question and apply it to everything else in my life.
We have two guest bloggers this week. Big Thanks to Marilyn Henderson and Deb MacCaulay for stepping up in Week 6 and blogging their review of week 6:
Week 6 – the Artists Way Recovering a sense of abundance. Guest blog by Marilyn Henderson
This week has been full of tantrums and tears (mostly in the morning pages-er..mostly), with a stinking cold thrown in for good measure. Volatile – moi?
These last couple of weeks have been the hard slog for me. Thanks to the group I’ve been able to keep going at the pages and see it through. It’s really been worth it. I’ve reached a state of calm and clear thinking that you only get after letting it all out, having a good full on cry and letting rip. And once that knowledge of the truth has been revealed – what choices do I have? I could bury myself deeper into denial or finally – actually do something about it and see what happens.
After all these emotional highs and lows, I’ve finally been able to read the chapter again and hear what Julia Cameron is saying, or at least saying to me.
What has really hit home is her simple question of ‘What gives us true joy?’ It struck me that I have denied this to myself for too many years to say. I had a mental image of my artist self wasted away, weak and despondent from lack of attention and sustenance. I’ve had to look at how I have denied myself the right to do art and do it well or badly, to be a beginner, to start again and try again, to experiment. If it couldn’t be perfect then I wouldn’t allow myself to do it at all. So I’ve successfully made myself very unhappy and dissatisfied. I could choose to continue in this way, or – if I want to – take a deep breath and take the leap into the scary and unknown. The luxuries I crave are not grand or expensive and I’ve promised myself that I’ll start doing them. (So, out comes the hairbrush and my favourite song…)
This week is also all about money. Money. I am not very good with money, having it, keeping it or earning it. Doing the counting hasn’t really been that revealing it’s just forced me to face up to what I knew already. That I’m so mean with myself. Nothing is spent directly on something I would really like to do. Julia Cameron is saying to us – do what you love, what brings you true joy and the rest will follow- the house, the bills will be paid, a partner, friends. Frankly it sounds crazy, and yet – it does make sense in a bizarre way. I realised I’ve been stopping myself doing anything because I had no money. I still have no money, but I’ve committed to a couple of things and I’ll see if the universe will help me out. I’ve got nothing to lose and in getting out there I might just enjoy myself. (woah, steady on!)
So this week has finally been about making the leap of faith. I’m scared and excited. . My artist self is giving me a hopeful grin.”
Debs MacCaulay says:
Money, Money, Money! What a week.
“The morning pages 7 out of 7 so does that deserve the winning lottery ticket this week at least. Only joking abundance obviously isn’t about the money. Abundance is feeling rich even if we happen to be overdrawn and now we are learning that if we are overdrawn then we need to look at where and why we have such poor thinking = so much introspection.
Keeping tabs on what I spend has been insightful. This week shows that I spend most on feeding and clothing the kids and on their entertainment and social events yet I am very stingy with myself. I question everything that I buy for myself. I actually thought that I was quite good at treating myself I thought that I was mastering self love whereas what I have uncovered from this week is that that isn’t so true after all. Great how we manage to fool ourselves really easily yet get so p’d off if anyone else tries to fool us. I am quite skimpy with myself so will work on that.
An interesting little conversation around money that I just over-heard whilst in the checkout at the supermarket. Little boy asked his Nan for something and she said “no”. She said she didn’t have the money. The boy said to her “of course you do” he said she had loads under her bed. She looked very uncomfortable and embarrassed and said to him “I don’t know what you are talking about”. It was clear the little one had stumbled upon something she didn’t want him to know about. I don’t know why she had a stash of money under her bed or how much it was. All I know is that it just brought to my mind that sometimes we save for a rainy day or out of fear of not having enough to survive and sometimes in that process we can miss out on lots and deprive ourselves and our loved ones of things . At the end of the day money is just energy isn’t it? Do we value ourselves on how much we have that sometimes we find it hard to part with it. Do we value ourselves so little that sometimes we spend too much?
I believe in a higher power haven’t got round to giving the power a name yet and I’m not too sure that the god word sits well with me. Also I love to be in control so turning the control over to something/someone that I can’t even see is pretty scary. I am working on that one too = lots to work on.
I haven’t completed all the tasks yet = working on that one too.
My artist’s date.
I remember being told by a member of family when I was a kid that I have 2 left feet and no rhythm so I have always been really self conscious about dancing. Last night I went to my first dance class well zumba dancing which is exercise in disguise. I had such a laugh I loved every minute of it. Why I ever listened to someone else’s limiting beliefs I don’t know. So overall I am feeling very abundant this week. Looks like I will be dancing all the way to the bank.
Enjoy week 7. I hope you all prosper wherever you go.”
Week 5 and spring has sprung in Maria Dodds’ writer’s life:
“Spring has arrived here in the north east of England. It’s sunny with a mild breeze. People are smiling again and some daring to wear shades (okay that’ll be me then). Our thick winter attire has been replaced with newly washed fleeces and t-shirts. Long may it continue!
My Artist’s date this week was a visit to my T’ai chi class. There was the promise of connection, laughter and life force to be had to I drove myself there on Tuesday evening and basked in the simplicity of it all. My favourite exercise is pheonix rising. We’ve all had those pheonix rising times in our lives. Times when we know we can’t stay ‘down there’ and we gradually nudge our way back; rising to the person we were meant to be; whole and authentic.
My morning pages have been important this week. Like many other people sharing their journals I’ve been letting go of what the wonderful Martha Beck defines ‘soul shrapnel’. I guess it’s the equivilent of dusting and hoovering the home. Only morning pages deal with the home of the soul.
Julia Camerson’s words continue to inspire me. I love expression’s like ‘low self-worth shirt’ and crazy-makers. These are new to my vocabulary and very significant.
Yesterday was a good writing day for me. I’ve stopped counting words and started observing the way I feel instead. Is this writing good quality stuff? Can I do better? Maybe it’s okay for now and I can come and enhance it soon. My inner sat-nav always lets me know what my best soloution is. Enjoying the process is what is of most importance. Enjoyment, fulfillment and flow are my writing aims. A bit like pheonix rising they are effortless and feel just great!”
Our guest blogger Marilyn gets honest, real and a little crazy in Week 4 – but finally gets to call herself an artist. Read on:
Marilyn says:
“Your old life has crashed and burned; your new life isn’t apparent yet. You may feel yourself temporarily without a vehicle. Just keep walking.”
Yes, yes and yes. This week has been particularly tough. You want truth and honesty? Boy I got it. The morning pages have been telling me straight, and I’ve had to face up to some clear truths – I need to have courage of my convictions, I need to get out more, I need to start living MY life.
When I read the exercise to address the situation where you are still stuck, I thought ‘That’s not me’… until I did the morning pages and they told me otherwise. Those things that were ‘OK’ I’ve had to admit I’m not fine with, and I now have to do something about it.
I have felt very emotional this week, positive and energetic one minute, then angry the next with stabs of sadness in between (and I’m wondering why DH is approaching with caution, a quizzical look on his face…). Mostly I’ve felt incredibly fragile as the new me emerges. I’m very conscious to protect it and keep it safe. I think Julia Cameron describes it best as the ‘place between bafflement and faith’.
Ok let’s get to the biggie, Reading Deprivation. Sunday I don’t think it really sank in and I found myself languidly flicking through the free Sainsbury’s magazine reading about food intolerances…when bang! It hit me that I wasn’t meant to be reading at all.. and definitely not this.
Monday saw me half crazed, scrubbing the house from top to bottom in a cold turkey frenzy. By Tuesday I was exhausted and looking longingly at tube adverts (‘go to confused.com and save yourself a bicycle’ over and over again). But I have held out, steadfastly refusing my usual diet of internet surfing, crap telly and reading shampoo bottles.
It has been worth it. I’ve had so much more time, and more time to THINK. Instead of surfing online, spiralling down the black hole of time wasting, I’ve looked around me and noticed the present. I’ve focused on one activity at a time. And my mind has doodled and meandered around the paintings in my head and a story I’d like to tell.
To my utter astonishment, I’ve had many moments of serendipity this week just gifted to me when I actually make the effort to get out of the door. I’ve been asked to write an article, been offered some work, met a good friend that somehow I haven’t seen for 8 years. All those miraculous helping hands that Julia Cameron talks about are so effortlessly happening, I just have to make one step in their direction.
And for the first time ever, I’ve been able to say, quietly, I am an artist.
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